Farewells and partings have a strange way of making people embrace, even for a moment - lies that make partings more 'real' and 'personal'. It is probably also why I've put in so much thought into effecting the winding up of this blog. Because, although I've wanted to do this for a while now, the precise reasons for such a forceful wish to do so eluded the spectra of conscious thought.
The display of verbal diarrhea and lack of clarity, but for which much of this post-early adolescence archive would never have been is no longer permissible, as is is signaled to me through the increasing (and very real) feeling of dissatisfaction that haunts every poem. The inability to communicate (on paper and in daily life situations) clearly my thoughts and the processes that have gone into their formation is the source of significant discomfort, personal and emotional. Bleeding oneself dry of words for the sake of expressing inner turmoil or anguish is me again being like the very adolescent I knew who'd go around slashing his arms. Forcing myself to write (at times for unselfish reasons, even), although dissatisfying, has thankfully (and finally!) convinced me to let some things go. Excessive communication, especially one that hasn't been through the net of reason and emotion-filtering has not served me well either.
This is the reason. If I am to cause an externality, it'd rather make one smile, than ten cry. The joys in this pit of a world are limited, a wise woman once told me. That wise woman may smile when she reads this although she has a hundred reasons not to.
For the sake of more of these smiles, this is, Goodbye.
